


Not a Blight, But a Remedy

by BabylonsFall



Series: I Can't Stand to Fly [3]
Category: The Librarians (TV 2014)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Kinda anyway, Team Bonding, briefly touches on being a case fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2019-01-10 12:11:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12298989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BabylonsFall/pseuds/BabylonsFall
Summary: It’s been months since he got out of the hospital. Eve won’t let him take missions alone. Jacob has a nervous, tense air about him that is setting Ezekiel’s teeth on edge, and he really, really, just wants things to go back to the way they were. He’s a Librarian. He was doing his job. Why can’t they get that?(And how long can they keep this up before something snaps?)





	Not a Blight, But a Remedy

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this took a lot longer than I thought it would. But, I like how it came out, despite its many, many restarts. So! Hope you like it too!

Contrary to popular belief, Ezekiel Jones did not have a death wish. Honestly, he’d faced death enough without  _ actively  _ trying to find more of it. He was good. Set for the immediate future.

Problem was, no one really seemed to… believe him. They hadn’t  _ said  _ as much, of course - where would they be if anyone in the Library actually learned to communicate outside of life-and-death experiences.

Eve insisted on coming along with his individual Clippings Book missions - and he’d wanted to argue that, honestly, the first time she’d done so after he’d gotten his cast off. But he’d had a vague flash of memory while he was still in the hospital, of Eve, standing over a body, muffled sounds to his right having possibly been Jacob still yelling, and he’d been unable to muster up any will to argue her down. 

Thankfully, nothing had gone wrong. It had still taken several successful missions for Eve to back down. And then Jacob stepped up - which was odd, because he’d been in a weird mood since they’d both left the hospital. He had even less to say about anything than Eve - which was, you know, impressive - and he had an energy about him that made Ezekiel tense just from looking at him.

The cowboy usually had two modes - focused and quiet (and possibly angry), and energetic excitement. Both were fun to poke at and rile up, but this… this was nervous and tense and filled with heavy looks Ezekiel didn’t really want to think about, let alone look at.

At first, he’d kind of just chalked it up to the… conversation in the hospital. The conversation that still rattled around his head and couldn’t settle just right.

_ You're brave, the goddamn bravest of us all _

_ You can take that hit for us. You don't gotta keep proving it. Give someone else a chance to take it! _

It didn’t make sense then, and it didn’t make sense now. But turning it over anymore was starting to give him vertigo, so it was shoved aside. Only to be dragged back every time Stone shot him heavy looks when he thought he wasn’t looking. (He was  _ always _ looking. Didn’t they realize that by now?)

He just. He wanted things to go back to the way they were. Stone grumping at him, Eve being exasperated (but fond. Took him awhile to figure that part out, but now, he’d never let that go), Cassandra just…

Actually. Cassandra was the only one who didn’t treat him any different, so whatever she was doing, she could keep doing. (And he might be just a little bit stupidly grateful for it.)

So, yeah. Conversation with Stone. He thought it’d go away after awhile, that everything would settle back down, the longer they went on missions without incident. But things… hadn’t. That energy around Stone hadn’t gone away, hadn’t dissipated. In fact, if Ezekiel was looking closely (he wasn’t), he’d say it had actually gotten worse. And Stone tagging along in Baird’s place was  _ not  _ helping.

He was a Librarian dammit. He knew how to do his job. He’d proven that! Sure, he’d landed in the hospital, but his point still stood - they had dangerous jobs. They’d had that drilled into them from day one. Why was him embracing that, facing that head on to get the job done such a bad thing? Eve did it all the damn time. Flynn too.

(He didn’t need to look too closely at that to see the cracks in it. To see that fear that came along with it. It wasn’t quite a fear of… losing anyone. Of watching anyone get hurt. Though he had that in spades, and he was self-aware enough to know that.

But.

He couldn’t be alone. Not again. He had too many memories, brief snatches of horror and shadows of aches in his throat from screaming, of the realization that  _ this time, this time might be the time they don’t come back. _

Yeah. He could see the cracks if he looked. Which is why he just… didn’t look. Simple.)

So. When Cassandra asked for his help on one of her missions, without Jacob or Eve in the room (Jenkins was there though, and he’d just rolled his eyes and fired up the Back Door for them), he’d jumped at the chance, and been out the Back Door before he could actually ask her where they were going.

He ended up stumbling half-way into a cobbled road - which was a very generous label by the way - on an empty street, Cassandra stepping out after him without the stumbling.

“...Any idea where we are?” He didn’t have to look back at her to know she was trying not to laugh at him, but he just grinned and glanced over his shoulder with a shrug. That actually did get a laugh before she shook her head and headed off down the street.

It only took a little bit of pestering, and a little bit more laughing, before he got a clue what they were actually doing here.  _ Here  _ being a small town in France whose name he couldn’t really be bothered to remember outside of the fact that it sounded old, and the town itself stood up to that. They weren’t actually here for an artifact - not yet. What they were here for was the old library of one of the town’s oldest families. Which they didn’t like letting people see - because they definitely weren’t dealing with anything magically shady guys. Totally.

So. Lookout Cassandra - possible distraction as necessary, while Ezekiel broke into the study and found the two handwritten books she needed. Easy. And everything she’d been able to find about the family suggested that they themselves weren’t dangerous, so even if they did show up, there shouldn’t be much of a problem.

Why they couldn’t use the Back Door to break in - less walking, less chance of being caught, etc., etc. - Cassandra explained away as Jenkins having started going on about magical seals and the like. Which meant they were on the right track so, hey, not all bad. Just inconvenient.

Finding the old chateau was easy. Breaking in, even more so. Ezekiel didn’t think much of it when Cassandra dropped down on the steps by the door to play lookout - this was her mission, she seemed to have a handle on things, so her call. The library was also ridiculously easy to get into - magical glowing symbols that flashed blue for all of a moment notwithstanding. When nothing exploded, screeched, caught fire or otherwise reacted negatively to said blue symbols, he slipped in, finding… well, an old, dusty library. That very clearly hadn’t been used in years.

He paused just inside the door, glancing around, an uneasy feeling curling in his gut. Twisting around, he locked the door behind him, only to twist the knob sharply. Just as he thought it would, it popped without a problem, the door swinging wide open again.

That uneasy feeling bloomed into that same stomach-dropping unfurl that he’d felt when Jacob had stormed out of his hospital room.

So, since the feeling was the same, he did the same thing he did there. Don’t think about it. Cassandra had a reason for bringing him out here, and he’d go through with it. Get back to the Library and commiserate with Jenkins or something for a little while.

Maybe take a break. Disappear for a few days.

(Cassandra wasn’t treating him any differently. And if she started now, he didn’t think… no, he couldn’t handle it. That laugh of hers back on the road had been the best thing he’d heard in weeks and he couldn’t lose that to pensive silences and heavy looks and worried frowns.)

“Ezekiel? Did you find them?” Cassandra called back, startling him away from the door.

Right. Mission. Back to the Library. Bug Jenkins. Disappear for a little while. He could do this.

He found the books. Top shelf, back right corner. Under layers and layers of dust that had him wanting to sneeze so badly. (He didn’t, because this wasn’t his first time swiping from some forgotten room, but lord he wanted to.)

Slipping back out of the library, he tugged the door closed, rolling his eyes slightly when it wouldn’t stay that way due to the popped lock. Great. Well. If he was right, there wouldn’t be anyone around to notice anyway.

“Found ‘em. Let’s get going.” He dumped the books in her lap on his way past, already pulling out his phone to get Jenkins to call up the Back Door for them.

Mission done. Back to the Library.

When he didn’t hear footsteps behind him after a couple of feet though, he paused, glancing back, phone halfway to his ear. Cassandra was watching him from her spot on the steps, looking quite determined to stay put.

“...Uh.”

She rolled her eyes, patting the spot beside her. “Relax. Just thought you could get out of the Library for a little while.”  _ And I wanted to talk _ . She didn’t say it, but Ezekiel knew that tone way too well - and had become far more acquainted with it than he liked these last couple of months.

He wanted to run, honestly. To bolt before she pulled that same look Jacob kept shooting him. But, she must have been taking lessons from Baird or something, because her next Look had him shuffling back over to drop down beside her heavily.

She didn’t say anything immediately, just looking out at what Ezekiel supposes was once a garden, but, now that he was actually looking, had clearly been overrun years ago. It was still pretty, in its own way though. And he was determined not to be the first to speak, so he let her look in peace.

“...They’re just worried, you know.” She said, after several long, quiet moments.

And of course he knew. Kind of hard to miss. So he shrugged, fidgeting with a loose stone that had fallen from the stairs.

“To them, to us, it looks so different than it is, right?” He paused, blinking down at the rock in his hands. “You just don’t want anyone hurt, not when you can do something about it. Not when you know it won’t break you - not really. Because you know that limit better than anyone else. And if it does, well, you don’t have to be around for the fallout. You do your best, figure out where you fit, figure out how to make the most of it, how to make it as good as you can, for as long as you can, and you want to keep everything around you just like that until it’s time for you to disappear, and hope they’ll be able to keep going after that.”

He didn’t say anything, glancing at her out of the corner of his eyes, wondering, idly, who they were talking about now. Him, or her.

Or both.

“And then they, we, get mad at you, because, to them, there is no disappearing. You’re supposed to be here too.”

Something in his stomach unknotted when she smiled at him then, soft and watery, but bright and as full of life as she was, and he slumped against her shoulder with a shuddery breath.

He couldn’t… couldn’t tell her she was right. Not out loud, not right now. Possibly not ever.

But she seemed to get it, resting her temple on his head. “I’ll talk with them.” she whispered, half a promise, half an absolution he didn't know he needed.

Ezekiel felt… wrung out. But in a good way. Bone deep and spread out, relaxed for the first time in months, so if he stayed quiet with her, content to sit there for as long as they both needed, well, who could blame him.

So, he felt a little justified in cursing up a blue streak that had Cassandra laughing even as she started to run, hauling him after her, when the first arrow embedded in the gravel by their feet, crackling with that same blue energy as the sigils carved in the library door. It had ruined a perfectly good moment okay.

Either way, they didn’t stick around long enough to figure out what was shooting at them - outside of determining that it was coming from the garden so they should go the opposite direction. Jenkins received a rather breathless call - sounding mildly concerned at the sound of arrows whizzing past - and by the time they made it down the road, the Back Door was waiting for them in what was probably at one point a shed. Either way, they tumbled into the Library, one last arrow going over their heads to embed in the wall across the room.

Both of them blinked at it, then each other, then started laughing - and, if it was a touch hysterical, a touch confused, well, Jenkins was kind enough not to mention it. Though, that might have been because he was more concerned with grumbling about getting the arrow out of the wall.

When they’d calmed down enough to stand and help Jenkins yank the damn thing from the wall (it really, really didn’t want to go it seemed), they’d taken one last look at each other and shared a smile. A soft, fragile thing that, even as it cracked and they both turned away to go about the rest of their day (research for Cassandra, tea and a bit of ribbing at Jenkins’ expense for Ezekiel. He still liked his plan. He’d just… maybe skip the last step), helped mend something in Ezekiel’s chest.

Things weren’t going to be better immediately. He wasn’t naive enough to believe they would. But, Cassandra was right, and he owed it to her to try to take it to heart. Eve and Jacob’s pensive, weighty concern might still chafe at him, but he had to believe it’d get better. It did for Cassandra. It would for him.

_ You’re supposed to be here too. _

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments are always appreciated! And feel free to come say hi on [tumblr](https://distinctivelibrarians.tumblr.com) if you want!
> 
> (title pulled from the Light by Disturbed)
> 
> (crossposted to tumblr [here](https://distinctivelibrarians.tumblr.com/post/166165297496))


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